Helper, Not Conscience

I really feel strongly about this issue and so to keep my regular blog from getting controversial, I am putting it here.
A lot of women feel strongly about this as well. They feel it is their duty to say when something is wrong or when their husband is not right about something.
I truly feel that it is best to sit back and watch instead of reacting quickly to something you disagree with. Truly. And, if I feel really strongly about it, I will take it to the Lord. Who better to tell my husband what to do or what to keep doing? God.
After all, he is the one who answers to God for his actions, not me. And, as the leader of our home, he is also the one who answers to God for my actions. And, if I'm nagging and nitpicking, he not only has to deal with me, but with God, as well.
I prefer to make his job easier.
Debi Pearl's book "Created To Be His Helpmeet" touches on this subject and she says it so well, that I am going to directly quote her.

You are created to be your husband's helper, not his conscience, not his vocation director, and certainly not his critic.

When you develop an adversarial relationship with your husband, you do so on the premise that you are right and he is wrong. You are also assuming that you have the duty to resist, confront, and challenge him. In thinking he is wrong and you are right, you declare yourself wiser than he, more spiritual, more discerning, more sacrificial, etc. All this adds up to the obvious conclusion that you have assumed the role of leadership, teacher, and judge. This is sinful and odious, and it displeases God greatly. No woman will ever have peace and joy until her mind is filled with goodwill toward her husband, and she is committed to becoming a good help meet for him. Is much of your life a reaction to real or perceived wrongs? Are you truly as wise as you think?

And, at the risk of over quoting and plagiarizing and all the copyright stuff, I'm not going to give the wisdom test she goes on to place in her book. Instead, I hope I've given you a taste of what this book is about. A good taste.

The wisdom test basically goes on to ask you what your excuses are for thinking you are wiser or smarter or right. And, it isn't up to you to decide. It's between God and your husband.

Your job as his wife is to help him. We are equals, but subordinate to our husband. And, when you question him, you are being insuboridinate. Sorry, but you are. There are ways to respectfully appeal and suggest. But, blatant disrespect is not permitted, ever.

Church Issues

In the board I visit often and a magazine I read, the principle of separation is commonly discussed.
Don't let your kids go to Sunday school.
Don't let them spend the night at friends' house.
Don't do children's church.
Don't do youth groups.
Don't date.
Don't socialize.
Blah blah blah

I'm on the fence about this one and I will tell you why.
I don't understand why it is okay to leave your children out of such activities, but you teach a class where other parents allow their kids to be separated from them.
Or, some Mom's let their kids go to Awana or whatever, but it is not her job to teach. She is too busy with other things like being a Mom. That's great and all, but if you are going to allow your kids to participate, you should somehow contribute at some point. Don't just leech off their resources.
If you are going to be a teacher, let your kids go to class. If you aren't going to let your kids go to class, don't be a teacher.

Does this make sense?

I've read an article about how the church is no longer a sanctuary. Whose fault is this? I don't know.
Why is the church no longer safe? Because the church isn't taking measures to be sure it will be safe.
There are child molestation policies that can be adopted and put into practice for the sake of the children AND adult.
Preachers aren't being taught how to be Pastors in seminary.
Youth leaders aren't being taught how to properly supervise their kids. They are making out and having sex on youth trips.
Whose job is it to teach these fellas?

I'm so tired of seeing well-intentioned parents getting cranky with fellow Christians about youth groups and classes. If you don't like these things, please move to a church where they do family worship. But, don't complain about it. If you aren't going to move churches, then get involved and help out with the classes your kids are in.
Discuss your concerns with the elders of the church. Don't just talk bad about them. They may not have even considered the possibilities of things going wrong, like you have.

I'm rambling on this, bc like I said, I'm on the fence about it. It just doesn't make sense to me to say one thing and do another.

I'm in one of those positions where I would like to keep my children with me at all times but as the Pastor's wife, I cannot just do that. I can't even keep my 9 month old son with me up by the piano while I play. I would love to just sit in the pew and sing on some Sundays. But, I cannot. I have to trust someone else to hold my son while I bang on the keys. I enjoy playing piano, but I miss my son. It's a tough spot.

I also have been in teaching positions and had parents 'slight' us by not allowing their children to participate (or even show up) after we have spent hours preparing lessons and songs. There's no easy way to do it, it seems.

I just wish that our fellow Christians were more trustworthy, I guess. But, even Satan has seeped his way into the church causing division and heartache.

Even so, come quickly Lord Jesus.

Leave it at home

I do not understand why someone would spend a nice chunk of their money on a toy for a child and then allow them to take it with them away from the home for the sake of "because she likes it".
For one thing, if I were to do so, I would keep a sharp eye on that toy. I have done this and made sure the toy was kept up with and if the child got done with it, then I put it away in my purse or diaper bag.

I hear stories of kids who had a 'blankie' they always had with them up until their teenage years. And, whose fault is this? Not the child's. It is the parent's fault.
If you don't allow your kids to take toys or blankies with them out of the house the first time, then you shouldn't ever have that battle.
Win it the first time (couple times) and it'll be the end of it.

I understand if it is a new toy, blah blah blah. Leave it at home. They can have it when they get back. No big deal.

I do take bunnies, blankets, and bears, etc. on trips out of town with us. If you do this, you must be careful to put items where they cannot fall out of the car and be missed at gas stations or what have you.
I have a friend who lost a cat, which is why I bring this up. It was really sad for them and they had to replace the cat with something completely different.
I have had things left behind and we just did without. Usually by that time, though, they didn't need it as much as they thought.

What is my point? I don't know exactly. Just don't take precious items out of the house if it is going to be a big deal if it is lost and never found... only to get mad and upset when others are not accomodating to your lost item.